Review; from my close past… Before & While & After: Isparta

She said; “but it was so beatiful his throat from outside that’s why i took the photo!”. While all class was looking behind the classroom by smile. That day; in the morning, i was decided to bring my camera to the classroom to take photos with people who were we spent almost one year together. We made photos, gave promises to see each other again, say the words; we will keep going on our “hilarious” friendship.


For sure; we will not see each other again even in the streets for just say hello…


After; that situation happened. All year i was curious that why i catch her eyes during the lesson while she was looking at me. Naive Özgür; always think; she is just looking at him. We smile together, studying together, talking about “Gegen Die Wand”, i had really good time while i was making German-Turkish accent on acting the man who is main in the movie. She was liked it. When everything is coming to an end. I know, realize, think that; yes she liked me…

I did not feel good on the way to home. Couple of photos, memories, the year is which passed like hole and i was not ready for the exam at all. We were always joking with the friends like: Hey dude! When you will study for ÖSS? And my answer was always like; “like everytime The day before it”. And unfortunately; Mr. Özgür Yavuz; be a unique again and study most on the last day:


“The day before an exam.”



I got the exam, it was not bad, as i told to my parents. But it was bad. I was knowing that i got almost same point like last year. All year, wake up, wash your face, wear up yourself, make your hair, go to bus stop, take the busy bus, get in the class, listen, write, solve the problems, make tests and come again to the home. It was not good. I should pass it. But I was not. I was not successful. Then my point become an exact. Disappointed for sure. Just four thousand people difference from last year. I try to choose my universities which i want to study next four years. My friend Umur was with us at that day. And we made it together. I choose myself and discuss with my parents and Umur. And he said, “why don’t you put Süleyman Demirel University. It’s your father’s town and it seems suitable to your point.” He exactly say this in Turkish. I was “never” thinking about SDU. And i just put, just put, just write it somewhere down.

At the end of August, Umur was right.

-While-

I searched the dormitories. My father was in Isparta. He signed me up. My dormitory get an exact. We went with my father’s friend. Their son was also will study in Isparta. I went inside the building after some time of waiting gardens of university. They gave my card which they put mine stupid high school photo. Some universities want new photo from students. But SDU choosed the easy way, just download from the database of students and put it. I have really bad photo there.


Then we turn back to İzmir, btw; i liked my dormitory.



My mother takes care of me so much at that times. She always takes care but she was so excited. Maybe more than me about SDU. She prepares my everything which i was needed for Isparta. She even put some detergant even i can buy from Isparta as well. I put myself on roads. I was knowing, i am going to make this trips between İzmir-Isparta so much time next four years, i didn’t know on my first trip that i am going to make it only for one year…

The lessons begun. Although, i didn’t like so much my university and city, I was caring about my lessons. I almost didn’t miss any of them. I was taking notes, join the lessons as much as i can. Once, i read about four, five page and made presentation on really famous teacher’s lesson by preparing for just in one lesson. It was perfect experience for me; i realize that; to achieve good things: I must try myself hard. I thought that time, i want to be like this everytime. It’s another story by the way, thanks to Aqshin…

I was always checking my university website. It was written erasmus exam is in one month. Who wants to get participate, sign up. I signed up but just for try. As every Turkish student. I was also wanting to make it on my third year. Because third year in any university in my country; is the hardest, i don’t know why… We just decide with some of my friends from my dormitory. We just say “let’s joooooin!” I remember, i hardly wake up on exam morning. I ate in dormitory dinner saloon. I push myself to university. After I go out from the exam. I was knowing that, it was done…

They put marks on website and i was choosen. They was needed the transcript. I gave them. And they again published. I was again chosen. Maybe that’s why, the time in Isparta after my erasmus get an exact, passed like a wind. I begin to research universities. I choose Warsaw first. Poland, capital. Stupid Turkish forums; it was written “don’t choose Poland, Poland is Catholic, you can’t have fuck there!

I realize it in Krakow: yes they’re Catholic, and you can have fuck there if you want; Polish girls seems can give easily theirselves.

I was crazy about Poland, for sure i didn’t change my decision because of Turkish girl style Polish girls as it’s written in all forums. I was curious about culture, architecture which was rebuilt after WWII. Even their all cities are rebuil,. I don’t give up. Make my documents for Warsaw and give it.

I have friend who name is Mert. Untidy man. I remember the day. I made my things and i was going to meet with one of my roommate: Can. As I always make, put my headphones, wear warm. It was crazy cold in Isparta at that times. I saw Mert, he said; he was coming from International Department. He told me that. They also accept him and he will choose Brno. I say, why? Let’s go to Poland. And he say, my department doesn’t has agreement with any university from Poland. I say; we have Brno but i never heard about it and where the fuck comes from Czech Republic? And he said; “Czech Girls”. And I said; fuck Czech girls, what we are going to do there? And he said,” it will nice and nice. Let’s choose the same place.” And I preapre my documents for Brno and sign my decision changed paper.


Join the group, Brno University of Technology from Facebook on April.



My university times were boring. I went to all lessons. Pass by study hard with almost “gooooood” marks. My simple day was; wake up early. Going to the university. Listening, taking notes, come back. Reading a lot. My laptop; before my laptop; always reading. After April, i was always with my laptop. Searching about universities, cars, music systems on cars. Listening music, going to the kebap saloon near our dormitory. Going to the cafe with the friends. It was not so shiny. I was not want to make it shiny. I was not pleased from something which i don’t know. I was like a ghost who is doing his necessary things. And reading. But I drink quite good, i pour one glass of beer from the balcony. It goes to one guys underwears. After he know that i made it. Nothings happened. But i stil haven’t known who told to him. I lost myself one two time because of alcohol. I throw out couple of times. My all friends also. I was so much having excitement from drinking. I was really like it.


Unhappiness was covering me. And i give my part of all money for vodka in shop with friends.

Women; as i understand from the first name Gabrieala sent me an e-mail and also my international department. Guideline for Brno University of Technology students.

It was one of my happiest time after i understand that; my father listen my ideas even i was nine years old. It’s also subject of other story.

-After-

The girl who name is Sema reach me from facebook. She told me that, she saw my message on BuT wall. We were in touch in almost all section of my visa, flight ticket, excitement, Brno discovering and attending. I couldn’t imagine, i will see her for the first time in one corner of Mandarin which is one of the clubs of Brno. After I never think that, we will have a conversation about how she break up with her boyfriend, how he is crazy about her but how she like the lifestyle here. I call it “Freedom Syndrome on Turkish race girls.” It’s hard to live with it. It can break your old relationships. It can make you; forget people who really thinks, cares, loves you. But almost all girls from my beatiful country have it.

I remember; my mother was crying a little bit. Like I am a soldier and going to the war. My father is toft man. I kiss his hands. It’s like good bye for everybody. You can go somewhere and never come;


But I came back with ring on my finger. It’s story of my life.



I met with Mert in İstanbul, airport. He was lack of directions. So much slow. And not excited. I was knowing him, He was also excited, i was knowing it. But it was look like, it’s a duty for him. We got in the plane. Eat Crocodile; cold, ready sandwiches. Hear first time Czech speeches in my life. Be with most amount foreign people in my life. And speak after so much time; English, with the police officer in Prag. They checked us. If you are from Turkey, you can be Muslim freak who wants to destroy beatiful Europe! so that’s why they check us long. Look at our face and again photo. And face, photo. They let us in. Oh! How it’s possible? They’re so good people! They let us in! We took the bus to main train station. We bought tickets for Brno. I can’t tell my feelings. Still feel the smell. I feel totally, totally, totally lost. I was checking my decisions about erasmus. I was confused and afraid. I always by the street mouth. “I don’t give a fuck!” That’s my biggest problem in my life. I never give enough attention on anything. And I fill by succeed twenty years so it means; it’s not so bad stlye. But in Prag main train station, i was giving really big fuck! I call Jarka, she is International Students Club member. It was my second English speeches and i was talking by phone! She said, i am in the club, i have to go outside; wait! And we wait! Then we deal for the time for meeting.

I broke my baggage while we are carrying ourselves to another train. Because our train crashed one drunk Czech boy, i saw yellow blood. Even when you say “blood”, you automatically think red. But it was yellow, maybe it was Czech brain, in front of the train. I stil haven’t known. It was my first open Czech brain.

I was in Brno. It was like a shit actually. The city seems to be shit. We meet with Jarka. Fat girl. But seems pretty. We catch the bus so hardly. There was a lot of people. Jarka told something about parties. She told thats why a lot of people in the bus. We were so much foreign as i remember, as i feel. After we checked-in. We meet with our stupid Lasse. He was from Finland. Talk less, play good. He was geek. So much geek. And Facebook game geek. Normal geeks are coders. He was amateur pilot but he was playing Facebook games. It’s erasmus. And he is our roommate.

We get in the club. It was my third time here. The name is Remix. First two times; we were at the garden, we ate barbecue meat, drinking first beers. Meet with Turkish and some Spanish people. This time there was no barbecue. We directly go to bar. I bought beer and Marlboro. Drink my beer. Smoke one-two cigarette. And my Czech girl or just girl inspector friend Mert was insisting on me like a crazy about dancing. I never dance until that time. I don’t know how to dance. How to move. We went to in front of dj place. There were couple of girls. Mert began to make some moves which i never and will say; dancing. I stay a little bit without making nothing. But i thought, it will seem weird almost middle of dance zone.


I began to dance.

Making stupid moves.

As I see, everybody was making stupid moves.

And girls in front of us, they’re gone. Only one left.

As i start my “perfect” dance. We were infront of each other almost all the time.

She had mouth move like when you say “oooooooo”

I liked this move. She was really enjoying. She seems to me so much real.

She had black hairs, strong hairstyle.

And I make my move, she hold my hand. Respond.

We begin to dance.

She was so fast but i stil haven’t known why i said “you are so slow”

I remember right now her eyes looking a little bit down, stay frozen to understand what i am saying…

I like her eyebrows that time while she was listening to me in first hour. I never tell this to her.

And her upper of arms.

And her fingers while she is writing down my number after we kissed…

And she pushed me to the zone again, she said, “It’s one of my favourite song we have to dance.”

Her name is another story which i don’t want to finish...